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Today I met Academy Award winner, and the greatest cinematographer of all-time, Roger Deakins. He signed my copy of The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.
Oh yeah I hung out with Joel and Ethan Coen too.
I. Fucking. Rule.Current Mood:  drunk |
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Marvel at the definitive proof of his inexplicable actions!!!
 Current Mood:  crushed |
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I've been futzing with my RSS feed the past week or so and figured now was as good a time as any to mention that I've setup a Feedburner feed to replace the basic WordPress RSS feed that was originally used on the site. So for any of you using the old RSS feed, which is probably many of you, please switch over to the new feed.
http://feeds.feedburner.com/WhereTheLongTailEnds I also added the option of subscribing through email. I have no idea what that means, or to be honest does, but it seems like people like that sort of thing. So there is that.
Also wanted to note that the March DVD Giveaway is over and the winner is Christopher Amis. So congrats to him on his winning the direct-to-DVD remake of April Fool's Day. I'm still tossing around what to giveaway for April. I like the idea of giving away terrible movies, but I do have something that people might actually want. So if anyone of you feel strongly one way or another please email me matt.gamble@wherethelongtailends.com and let me know if you want me to keep giving away crappy movies or if you'd like me on occasion to giveaway movie related swag that is actually cool. |
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So Radtke came through and got me a hook up with UGO.com to write some DVD reviews for them. Problem was the DVD's I was to review were bare bones which meant I had to review the film, which wasn't what they really wanted me to focus on. So how did I resolve this dilemma?
Well in my final review, in which this particular film had absolutely zero special features, I called my editor a sadist and graphically depicted him masturbating to the thought of my struggles in writing the review. While it was almost tasteful, it was really funny.
Not sure how he is going to take it.
Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. :/ |
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Last Thursday a fire broke out at a bar downtown that gutted the whole building. Luckily everyone got out fine and the only potential casualty is a yet to be found cat. But what was interesting is the fire happened when it was -20 F outside, and once the flames were put out the torrent of water froze quite quickly turning the entire building into a giant ice sculpture.
Anna and I were lucky enough to spot the building when we drove home from Be Kind, Rewind late Friday night. So Saturday morning we drove over to the site and she took several pictures. Many of them looked something like this.
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| » First draft of logo |
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A few things will change before it's finalized, specifically the 70's diner style font, but this is a good approximation of what the finalized look will be. Any input or comments would be appreciated.
Feb. 26th, 2008 @ 06:11 pm
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| » More site updates! |
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Had an actual lunch meeting. Wow, I'm so adult now. And productive too.
Meeting resulted in getting two additional people to write for my site, and possibly a third as well. Which is nice because it allows me to expand the original idea a bit. While I will continue to focus on films, the others are going to take the same basic premise I am and apply it to books and video games. They won't post as often as me, but they also have the freedom to write on other areas if they like and have the time for it.
Though I must admit the possible third addition is the one I am most excited for. Primarily because I have the least exposure to it, and because I think it's bit of an ignored niche. I'd tell you more but don't want to ruin the surprise.
"Official" launch probably is still a month or so away, but things are falling into place. I might even have the logo ready by the end of the weekend.
Feb. 23rd, 2008 @ 04:25 pm
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| » Update! |
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So for the past year I have been writing movie reviews over at Cinema Fusion. It's a fun little gig and I've enjoyed it quite a bit, plus it gives me an excuse to feed my film addiction. After a while I started ruminating on an idea to review older films, as the vast majority of my time was spent watching new releases. But the one thing I didn't want to do was simply go back and watch "classics" like Jaws, Citizen Kane, or Can't Buy Me Love. I wanted to review movies that most people simply walk on by without ever watching, either because they are too old, obscure, or potentially awful. So I came up with the idea of writing a weekly column on these movies called Where the Long Tail Ends.
Now the thing is, I have enjoyed writing this column so much I decided to setup my own web page for it. The page is still very much in Beta, but it is coming along quite nicely. I also have some ideas on how to expand on the concept a bit and I am currently talking with a few other people to work as contributers to the site. So please stop on by the site, tell me what you think, leave comments, or if you really want to be helpful, tell me what I can do better. I assure you I would greatly appreciate any feedback that you give me. Thanks.
Feb. 20th, 2008 @ 09:39 am
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| » And just like that 60 weeks have gone by |
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Did you miss me? Probably not, I mean ... I certainly didn't miss me. But that's probably because I'm always hanging around.
Have a semi-announcement to make at a yet undecided later date. It's something fun I have been smacking around my brain pan for sometime. Oddly enough it relates to what I have been doing with all my free time lately.
And uhh ... I got nothing else.
Feb. 12th, 2008 @ 06:27 pm
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| » I seem to have inadvertantly written a children's story |
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I have a favorite broom. His name is Wilson. He was named for his uncanny resemblence to a slightly more famous Wilson. Wilson lives at the movie theatre, although he isn't very fond of movies. It's not that he doesn't like them, it's merely that he never sees anything but the ending, which really limits a broom's ability to enjoy them.
Wilson is two years old. Which for brooms is almost as young as it is for humans. But Wilson has had a hard life., despite it's newness. He's been thru drink spills, dodged teenage footwear, and kindly donated his hair to be used as lining for the beds of a rather large and growing family of mice.
Unlike people, brooms can't just simply grow more hair. No, brooms must make do with what little hair they are born with. Since they can't grow more they can't get a haircut or spend their lives donating hair to the needy mice of the world. But they can go bald, and as of yet their is no Hairclub for Brooms. Some brooms, who really love their jobs, even try to hide the fact they are losing their hair by combing their hair over to cover their head. Needless to say, they look just as silly as when people do it.
Brooms are born into their jobs. Not unlike how a Blacksmith's son would eventually become a Blacksmith, or the daughter of a wicked stepmother would eventually become a princess. Brooms know this fact and accept it. Some even love it. And yes, some even wish to be a Blacksmith. But suprisingly few have ever wanted to be a princess. I'm not sure why this is true. Do you ?
As Wilson has regretably come to realize, it's tough to find work when you are a broom with no hair. He sits in the corner, waiting for his chance, knowing in every fiber of his being that he was built to clean.
You might be suprised to learn that despite losing his hair and knowing that he will eventually lose his job, Wilson was a happy broom. You might be even more suprised, as people are prone to be when faced with opinions that are different from their's and they deem "silly", that Wilson is even happy to be a broom.
With respect, admiration, and even a hint of trepedation I carry Wilson to his chosen task. He works feverishly and suprisingly efficiently, moving with all the grace a hairless broom can muster. His work day will end soon. You may not know this but brooms need to sleep after a long day just like you do.
Now I know what you are thinking, "Is there anything Broom's don't like?" And the answer is "Of course." Brooms aren't entirely fond of cats, nor cats of brooms. Brooms just don't understand how cats can sleep all day long yet still somehow manage to get hair everywhere they just swept. They think they are lazy. This is why you always see so many brooms living with scary old women who like to shoosh cats away from their stoop. This has led many cats to believe it is best to just avoid brooms entirely. Brooms think this is the smartest thing cats have ever done.
Brooms also aren't very fond of fireplaces. The fire for one is particularly worrisome for them. Brooms, like you, don't look too favorably on being set on fire. And while we're on the subject, brooms wouldn't mind avoiding chimneys altogether. It's simply much to dark inside a chimney for them to be sure that they have cleaned everything, and sure enough not much later they have to do the same job over again. You might also have noticed how funny chimney brooms look. This is because they are over stressed at trying to sweep in the dark. Your hair would probably look like that too if you had to try and sweep up dirt in the dark all day long. It's not unlike if you tried to clean your room while blindfolded. Brooms know as well as you do that cleaning your room isn't a very fun task to begin with, but doing it blindfolded is just cruel. Luckily for brooms, they aren't emplyed as much as they used too be to clean fireplaces or chimneys. It's now more of a job for vacuums, and brooms are just fine with that.
But Wilson isn't a chimney broom, nor does he know any cats. So he is a happy broom, despite losing his hair. But every night I worry that he will finally be put outside on the curb. Every night might be his last night at work. We both are a little sad at this predicament, but I know, as does Wilson, that he has earned this break from work. So when the day comes we may be sad, but we both hope to be happy as well. On that day I'll sit on the curb with Wilson and wait for the truck to come. Wilson, like all brooms, is lucky in that they can't cry when sad. But I'm not a broom.
But don't worry, that day isn't here yet. Wilson and I still have a lobby to clean.
Wilson
Dec. 18th, 2006 @ 11:50 am
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| » Which way does it go? |
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Author's Note: The following blog was an exercise to see if I could write a story using the corresponding letter of the Alphabet to start each sentence. A= line one, B= line two, Y= line 25, Z= line 26. Accomplishing that I decided to see if I could write it so that the story could be read starting at the letter Z and read last letter to first, or the letter A and read from the first letter to the last. Then, I decided to take it even one step further and make it so the blog would form an unending loop if one so desired to connect A to A to A to A and so on and so forth. It isn't a story about much, but it was fun writing it.
Now I know my Z,Y, X's.
Zip it, asshole.
*yawn*
Xerox this moment, because it's the last one you are going to have with me.
What the hell are you blathering on about now?
Vincent, you aren't listening to me!
Umm... are you even listening to yourself?
Try and keep up, alright?
Sherlock, it would help if I knew just where exactly you were going with this.
Really Vincent, are you even trying to have a "real" conversation with me?
Quite the contrary, especially from your viewpoint.
Putting on a show for me, are we Vincent?
Only if the mood strikes.
Now I know that you are a tease.
Maybe from a certain point of view.
Like it or not young Skywalker, you are not a Jedi yet.
Knowing your dirty mind, I dare not ponder the meaning of that.
Juxtaposing your hidden desires is getting us nowhere.
I'd rather you just get to the point instead of ambling about.
How about I just find some better way to spend my time?
Good luck winning me over with that argument.
Fuck you, Vincent!
Everyday I question if that really is what you want.
Depending on the circumstances, I just might.
Could you have a more implausible defense?
Borrowed it from The Daily Show.
And I suppose this argument somehow justifies your actions during this relationship?
Next time won't you sing with me
And I suppose this argument somehow justifies your actions during this relationship?
Borrowed it from The Daily Show.
Could you have a more implausible defense?
Depending on the circumstances, I just might.
Everyday I question if that really is what you want.
Fuck you, Vincent!
Good luck winning me over with that argument.
How about I just find some better way to spend my time?
I'd rather you just get to the point instead of ambling about.
Juxtaposing your hidden desires is getting us nowhere.
Knowing your dirty mind, I dare not ponder the meaning of that.
Like it or not young Skywalker, you are not a Jedi yet.
Maybe from a certain point of view.
Now I know that you are a tease.
Only if the mood strikes.
Putting on a show for me, are we Vincent?
Quite the contrary, especially from your viewpoint.
Really Vincent, are you even trying to have a "real" conversation with me?
Sherlock, it would help if I knew just where exactly you were going with this.
Try and keep up, alright?
Umm... are you even listening to yourself?
Vincent, you aren't listening to me!
What the hell are you blathering on about now?
Xerox this moment, because it's the last one you are going to have with me.
*yawn*
Zip it, asshole.
Sep. 5th, 2006 @ 10:25 pm
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| » SFLF Quote of the Week! |
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"Calling you 'Weirdo' is like calling you Honeybear. Or ... Sweetie Pumpkin Boy."
Sep. 4th, 2006 @ 10:35 pm
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| » Repent Sinners: The line for the Beer Volcano forms in Heaven (pt 2 of 5) |
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"Not since the Middle Ages have we seen such an open-minded science policy."
- Bobby Henderson, prophet
For Bobby Henderson, this open-mindedness is a very good thing. In 2005 Bobby read about the Evolutionary Theory quandry in Kansas and was pleased to discover that Intelligent Design proponenets were arguing that since Evolution was just a "theory" that other alternative "theories" must be taught in order to give our young students' minds a broad and enlightened foundation. A foundation built not on evidence but options. Bobby, the founder of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, had found an unlikely, unaware, and unwilling ally in Intelligent Design. So Bobby sat down and His Noodly Appendage to flow thru him as he composed a letter to the Kansas Board of Education outlining the principle tenets of the Flying Spaghetti Monster Theory of Intelligent Design.
1) Like regular Intelligent Design, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster believed the Universe was created by an intelligent being, in this case, a Flying Spaghetti Monster.
2) While no one was around to see The creation, they have written accounts of it throughout history. Also, any obvious holes, contradictions, or outright lies by His followers have merely been put there by Him to test one's faith.
3)There is a direct correlation between the dwindling number of Pirates, his chosen followers, and rising global temperatures.
4) Equal time should be spent educating the public on all three creation theories: One third for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.
And with that simple letter the popularity of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism exploded. Pastafarians, the most devoted followers of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, came out of the collander in droves, to the tune of a reported 10 million strong. And as FSM popularity grew, so did the overwhelming amount of observable evidence to support it. And of course, as the evidence grew, the scientific community began to take notice.
"One of the most exciting developements in physics recently is so-called string theory, in which all subatomic particles are described as microscopic vibrating strings. Obviously this is correct, though misnamed. As Noodle Theory reveals, He has created the matter in the universe in His own quivering image! You, me, the Earth, the stars ... are all built of trillions of jiggling noodles, microscopic copies of our divine saucy maker. Boy-oh-Boyardi and Ramen!"
- Steve Lawrence, Ph. D.
Doctors, Lawyers, Senators, Teachers, and even scientists overwhelmingly supported Flying Spaghetti Monsterism; that more choices were what was best for the school curriculums of this great nation and Flying Spaghetti Monsterism was the clear alternative to Evolution. This support inadvertantly gave weight to the proponents of Flying Spaghetti Monster and their beliefs that supernatural explinations operate as a valid means of filling in any gaps in conventional acience's explination, by means of convenience or simply deceptive political propaganda. Being that conventional./empirical science had been around for only a few hundred years, it's logical to believe that supernatural science - what intellectuals refer to as Superscience - has a far more enduring legacy.
Examples of Superscience's success abound the sciences, take modern medicine as a random example. When was the last time you suffered from a demon-induced fever? Modern medicine has never been able to explain, let alone cure, such a malady. Yet history shows us that the medieval practice of bloodletting is highly effective in combating such a dreaded disease. So effective that it's been entirely wiped out for centuries. Empirical science knocked out polio for a few decades, but even that is making a comeback, and have you seen how empirical science has turned a harmless case of a bird with the sniffles into a terryfying vision even Hitchcock couldn't have imagined.
"It seems to me the FSM theory is MUCH more plausible than the non-FSM ID theory, because it is the only one of the two that takes into account all the discrepancies between ID and measurable objective reality."
- Douglas Shaw, Ph. D.
But the most popular example to date that is used to illustrate Superscience's effectiveness is the evidence of the amount of new land discovered on this planet. Taking 200 year time periods in which each methodology was the most popular - 1400 to 1600 Al Dente for Superscience, 1800 to 2000 Al Dente for empirical science - you get a stunning portrait of how stunting empirical science has been on the general populace.
During that period empirical science was able to uncover only 3% (3 million square km) of the amount of new land that it's Superscience counterparts were able to uncover (14.5 million square km) despite a massive advantage in technology. It is clear that even with the lack of maps and only a compass, cross-staff, or astorlab for navigation, and no motarized transportation that it was their faith in the twinkling (wriggling?) heavens above that guided their uncanny success. Thus, it's only logical to conclude that a more balanced method to science - incorporating both empirical and Superscience - is needed to succeed in the fight to discover more land, demon blood plagues, and regain your soul. To date, the only scientific theory that incorporates both empirical and Superscience is Flying Spaghetti Monsterism.
The choice is clear. The choice is simple. The choice is yours.
"All points of view should be available to students studying the origins of mankind."
- Senator John McCain
Aug. 28th, 2006 @ 04:24 am
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| » SFLF Loving Act of the Week!!! |
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Like a typical Sunday night I closed the theatre and didn't get home till the wee hours of the morning. Atypically, this is what awaited me on my pillow.
An issue of Amazing Spider-man and lube.
*sigh*
She knows me so well. In other news, look what I got a week before it's actual release date.
Suckers.
Aug. 28th, 2006 @ 12:00 am
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| » Repent Sinners: The line for the Beer Volcano forms in Heaven (pt 1 of 5) |
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One year ago I encountered something that would change every aspect of my life. I haven't spoken of it in any detail until now, as I was a bit overwhelmed by it's greatness. And having no idea how to convey this feeling, I decided to start out with a short history lesson before getting into the awesome bits.
The year was 2005 and the "theory" of Evolution was being attacked in the state of Kansas. It's opponent was a little known religious theory called Intelligent Design, and the battleground was the Kansas Board of Education.
For those of you that don't know, Intelligent Design was created only a few years earlier by the conservative Christian think tank The Discovery Institute. And by created I mean plagerized, from the intial theories of Plato, Aristotle, Thomas Aquinas, William Paley, and other original thinkers. Some of whom thought God was a man who lived on a mountain, threw thunderbolts when he was angry, and had women fuck cattle for shits and giggles. Now Intelligent Design was created primarily to be a wedge argument against Evolutionary Theory, as a way to slip Creationism into school curriculum. To put it simply, Intelligent Design proposed that and intelligent being created everything in the Universe.
But the real genius of this "theory" was in it's marketing. Fueled by the success of Darwin's Black Box: The Biochemical Challenge to Evolution by Michael Behe and published in 1996, a grassroots campaign began touting Behe's hypothesis of Irreducible Complexity (IC is when a single system of well-matched, interacting parts that contribute to the basic function, wherin the removal of any one of the parts causes the system to effectively cease functioning. Behe commonly uses the bacterial flagellum as an example, while William Paley used a watch for the same argument 200 years earlier.) as proof that their were numerous holes in Evolutionary Theory. Soon claims of vast "gaps" in the fossil record appeared, as well as claims that their wasn't a single example of a transitional fossil or species, and that Evolution was "only" a theory all were commonly heard arguments. But when they were largely ignored by the scientific community due to their sheer innacuracy, gave way to even more grandiose statements such as Evolutionary Theory had no scientific foundation and that it was purely a matter of faith taught the atheistic scientific community. Even pseudo-intellectual, and possible space alien, Ann Coulter made a recent televised claim that "There is zero evidence for Evolution."
On top of these outright false claims, ID proponents did an excellent job of portraying themselves to the general public as being on equal ground with Evolutionary Theorists within the scientific community. They refused to participate in discussions, panels, or TV interviews unless they were allowed the same number of panelists and time asto speak as Evolutionary Theorists. It was a subtle but highly effective way of implying that their were as many ID proponents as Evolution proponents. ID'ers simply had one goal, to give the impression that their really was a controversy, where none existed, and somewhere along the line the American public bought into their rhetoric, as the American public is prone to do. And with that cloud of doubt firmly seeded, Intelligent Design made it's move not only in Kansas, but on school boards across the country.
The Discovery Institutes' goals were fairly obvious, create a wedge argument using Irreducible Complexity and other scientific sounding jargon as a means to falsely show holes in Evolutionary Theory, then supply ID as merely an alternative "theory". The key to this whole plan, was to make people think choice, rather than fact, was the ultimate goal to teaching.
But there was a hole in this approach. By using Intelligent Design as merely a wedge argument, it didn't open any avenues in which Intelligent Design could be tested or peer reviewed, much less proven. All of these being requirements for any hypothesis to be considered scientific in nature. So the ambiguous nature which was so effective in altering public perception, not only made it's alterior motives plainly obvious, but brought about it's eventual downfall.
But this battle also opened up the doorway for a true education champion to emerge. One independent of both Evolutionists and Intelligent Design proponents. This champion was the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
To be continued one week from today, or whenever I feel like getting to it. Whichever comes last.
Aug. 24th, 2006 @ 11:45 pm
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| » Only one month later then promised, a review of Clerks II |
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After 10 years Kevin Smith heads back to finish up the sixth movie in his "Jersey Trilogy". If he were Douglas Adams that eccentricity would be funny. Instead he's Kevin Smith, so according to current public perception, he tepidly sucks.
By now everyone knows the story behind the making of Clerks II. No he's not going back to the well because of the commercial and critical disaster that was Jersey Girl, but rather he promised Jason Mewes he would write another film where he could play Jay (to his Silent Bob) if he stayed sober. I think I speak for everyone when I say "Fuck I hope that's true."
My enduringly endearing cynicism aside, Clerks II is the story of Dante and Randall, two clerks (Now I see how the got the title) who either hate life or people, depending on how their male PMS strikes them. It's been ten years since we last left our dynamic duo and they are right back where we left them, the Quick Stop Convenience store. That is, until Randall leaves the coffee maker on and burns it to the ground in a blaze of Bon Jovi glory.
In a continuing effort to avoid adulthood they go to "work" at the local fast food joint. Which means Randall continues to watch porn in front of customers, get into uber-geek arguments involving Star Wars, and attempt to prove his man-love for Dante by making his life miserable. Dante, for his part, at least shows some personal growth by being engaged to a woman who loves him, but immediately tramples that seedling of manhood by secretly falling in love with another woman.
That's right, thirty minutes in and I might as well be watching a remake of Clerks rather then a sequel. That's totally awesome, hold the totally and awesome.
Then "Pillow pants" went and punched my humor in the mouth by shoving one of the most ludicrous and gut-wrenchingly funny scenes I have ever had the pleasure of viewing in front of my eyes.
With that break thru I was finally able to take the movie for what it was. A sentimental, and sometimes sappy film that had its share of comedic misses, but had more then a fair share of huge hits.
It's easy to see why Smith continues to gravitate back to these characters. They play to his strengths, he knows them like the back of his hand, and he cares for them deeply. And if it's another ten years before Smith grants us another glimpse at them, that wait will be just right.
What works: Jason Mewes + lip gloss + Buffalo Bill = Awesome
What doesn't: At times the film is choked with more sap them a maple syrup farm. Yes, we get it. You guys love each other and can't actually say it. While I love this incredibly unique cinematic device, make it fucking stop.
Great line: "You know at birth how every girl has a troll placed in her vagina?"
Final Grade: B-
Jul. 21st, 2006 @ 12:58 am
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| » SFLF Quote of the Week! |
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"I hypnotized you last night and made you do things you wouldn't normally do. Does your butt hurt?"
Jul. 18th, 2006 @ 12:14 am
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| » Pet names and broken hearts |
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The SFLF and I aren't one's to openly admit what we feel for each other. We'd much rather wrassle until one of us is bleeding (Ed Note: It's always her.) or simply mock one another for foolishly revealing an emotion. But against my better judgement I'll admit that I really wouldn't mind having something I could call her that would secretly tell her how I truly feel. That's why now I will always think of her as my Special Bear despite any of her attempts to reject it.
Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 10:40 pm
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| » I just assumed adulthood would feel like something other than Downy soft |
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I now officially own a washer and dryer. As an added bonus they are directly below a laundry chute. In all my life I have never lived anywhere that has had a laundry shoot, so I'm a bit mystified as to the operation of such a device. At the moment I'm convinced their is a laundry monster that eats and craps out my clothes to the basement below. And sometimes I worry at night that I might anger it?
If so Kali better watch out because she's the only sacrificial virgin in the house.
Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 10:10 pm
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| » Samuel L Jackson stole my fucking shirt!!! |
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Several months ago I pimped out my newest t-shirt I purchased from the rawking Wigu. (Read his blog and buy his shit. He's THE awesome.) Only at some point during the course of the year, I lost the stinking shirt. So what did I do? I bought a brand new one. I needed something to wear at the opening night premiere of Snakes on a Plane afterall. But as Fate would have it, I discovered what happened to my long lost shirt.
From the tip of your foppish hat to the tonguing of that superfluous consonant, I hate you Samuel L Jackson.
Jul. 6th, 2006 @ 02:56 pm
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katuluu's journal
